Time for a bit of a ramble:
Sometimes I think I got a double dose of the Mom Gene. Or maybe it’s that touch of co-dependency that I’ve been working so hard to divest–but I feel compelled to get up and see my 17 year-old off to school each morning. As an ADHD mom with an ADHD child, I have a ton of empathy, so I find myself querying him on whether he has his license, cash for lunch, homework, etc before he walks out the door. And today he was off early for the regional science fair being held at the university, so he had to be up and out early. I was an extremely private 17 year-old, so my mother rarely inquired or knew what I had going on at school. I screwed up a lot, forgetting things, and it made me feel awful. I don’t want my son to feel awful, so it’s a struggle for me not to be too helpful.
The co-dependent/martyr thing comes in because I often stay up crazy-late to work, as you may know. And getting up at 7:15 to be the Best. Mother. Ever. is rather unrealistic. So there I was, wide-awake and helpful, after not enough hours sleep. After he left, it would’ve been a great time to work, right? Well, sure. But I worked out instead, because you know if I don’t get it done early, I don’t get it done at all. Truth.
I had a fairly long to-do list today. At the top was a trip to the eye doctor to continue further dry-eye adventures. (Short version: Lasik in 2001 was not as precise as it is now, and there’s nerve damage that makes my eyes dry.) We’ve tried Xiidra, which did nothing, and so are taking a step back to try Restasis. My eye doctor likes to talk about eyes, so it’s never dull. Can you even imagine that job, peering into people’s eyes through machines, seeing eyeball vulnerabilities? Ugh. I can only think of eyeballs squishing, which really grosses me out.
When I got home, I felt completely useless. But I simply decided that it was okay with me to feel useless until I didn’t feel so useless anymore. And it worked. And I had fun getting there!
The fun included: finishing Big Magic, by Elizabeth Gilbert. So inspiring. I stayed away from Eat, Pray, Love when it came out, because it seemed goofy and sentimental. Then there was the film with Julia Roberts, and I truly have never liked her work. But Big Magic is all about fear and creativity, and I’ve learned a lot from it. Next fun thing was a Panera serving of potato chips with sour cream, as I began to watch Shallow Grave, a remarkable Danny Boyle film (his first) about money, friendship, and madness, featuring Christopher Eccleston and Ewan MacGregor. I felt like such a truant, watching a film in the middle of the day, as I munched on leftover ribeye steak, clementines, and a fudge yogurt bar. But I was a very happy truant.
By the time my son got home from the science fair in the early afternoon, I was ready to work, restored by my brief sabbatical (or maybe it was the very rare steak).
When was the last time you blew everything off just to have a little breathing space?
Before getting down to work in the early afternoon, I made us tea in the brilliant French Press pot that I bought on my first trip to IKEA, last week. See how cute it is? I recall it was only $10. Fie on our Keurig. It does terrible tea, anyway. The press did such a wonder full job, I may use it forever.
I see I’m going on and on with the minutia of the day. I must have needed a break from my routine, and to get lost in a film, in someone else’s head.
In the end, I got a huge pile of emails answered and edited fifty pages of manuscript before I had to get everything ready for the pizza that Darling Husband was bringing home. Fifty pages, which was great. Enough work that I felt like I could take the evening off to watch an old episode of Night Stalker. (Oooooh I need to tell you about that show, and a couple others in the genre.)
For Friday, I’m shooting for seventy-five pages. And let’s not think about the fact that I need to do at least one more edit of this book before it leaves my hands.
It’s been a good work week. How was yours? Will you be able to play this weekend?
March 23rd Words
Journal: 75 words
Long fiction: (Edited fifty pages)
Short fiction: 0
Non-fiction: 0 words
Blogging: 810 words
Exercise: Pilates 30 minutes